The Dead Ferret DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A TRUE STORY BASED ON MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES.
I AM
(ten years of spanking)
WRITING A SERIES OF STORIES WHICH ARE REMEMBRANCES OF MY 10 YEARS
ONLINE.
COMMENTS AND EMAIL ARE WELCOME
By
Otkforu
By the time of the infamous ferret caper, I was already on my
second
computer. The Tandy system, had been replaced with a 486, 25 Mhz
system from a
company called Leading Edge. The computer was on the fritz and
I made an
appointment for a tech to come over to my place to fix it. Lori
was nice enough
to baby-sit the computer on this day, so someone would be home
when the
technician got there. Perhaps I should have known better than
to allow a brat
to have free run of my apartment. The following is a true story,
written just
as it happened.
The sound of the phone ringing interrupted my thoughts as I tried
to work out
an accounting problem at work. I picked up the receiver and spoke
into the
phone, "Accounting." There was a small moment of silence on the
other end of
the line. Perhaps the caller had realized that she had caught
me at a bad time.
Maybe it was the tone of voice I used when I answered the phone,
which actually
translated "accounting," into "this had better be very important
because I'm
very busy." The moment of silence had passed and the voice on
the other end of
the line belonged to Lori. I was always happy to hear from her,
so my busy day
was put on hold. We chatted briefly with Lori informing me that
the computer
was now fixed and then Lori tells me that she had bought me a
gift for the
holidays. It was around Hanukkah time and I remember it being
quite cold
outside. Of course, whenever someone mentions that they have bought
a gift for
you, I'm sure it's only natural for you to ask, "What did you
buy me?" When I
posed that question to Lori, her reply got my immediate attention.
"Oh, don't
worry. It's not that big and it only eats a little."
I almost chocked on my coffee and I demanded to know what she
had brought
over to my place that only ate a "little". At the time, I had
a budgie and I
wasn't in the market for another pet. Before I could demand a
second time to
know what it was, Lori yells out, "Oh my, it's gotten out of its
cage, I gotta
run," and she hangs up the phone on me. To suggest that I was
slightly
concerned would be a major understatement. I tried to get my mind
back on my
work, when my phone rang again. "OK, it's back in its cage." I
once again
demanded to know what it was but Lori would not tell me. "Oh no,
it got out
again and it ran under your sofa. I'll call you back!" Again,
the phone went
dead and I once again turned my attention to my work, which by
now I had no
idea what it even was that I had been trying to figure out. I
was just trying
to envision what might be lurking under my sofa and how much of
it the little
creature might be taking bites from.
The phone rings again and I grab it immediately. "OK, it's back
in its cage
again." By this point, I started threatening Lori with every torture
known to
man, and some I think I invented on the fly. Finally, she says
into the phone
what it was, but she says it so low, that I could not hear it.
"What, what did
you say it was?" I demanded. She repeats her sentence, but again,
too low for
me to hear. "Lori, you had better speak louder and tell me right
NOW, or ELSE
YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE." OK, so maybe half the office heard that,
but I didn't
care. After all, when a small creature with sharp teeth is running
lose around
your living room, you have to do whatever you have to do in order
to find out
what you will encounter upon your arrival home. Finally, Lori
took a deep
breath and said, nice and clearly into the phone, "I bought you
a ferret." "A
what?" came my reply. "A Ferret," Lori said with almost a hint
of pride in her
voice. "Lori, I don't know how to care for a ferret. "You have
to get rid of
it." "Steven, you will love it. It really is cute." Finally, I
decided to
address the issue further when I got home. After all, Lori meant
well, even if
the last thing I would think to buy, as a pet would be a ferret.
Around 1:30
that afternoon, my phone rings and it's Lori. It seems that her
daughter had
taken a fall at school and had scraped her knee, so Lori had to
get to school
and bring her home. Lori told me the ferret was in its cage and
for me not to
worry. I worried anyway.
When I got home at around 6PM, the house was dark and cold. I
saw the cage,
which was covered on three sides and in front of the living room
window. I
decided to get undressed and into my comfy clothes before taking
a look at my
new "pet." When I got into the living room, I walked over to the
cage and
uncovered it. I looked at the ferret, which was on the bottom
of the cage; a
small ball with a string attached to it was firmly in the ferret's
mouth. I sat
down and began to talk to the little critter. I explained to it
that I didn't
know anything about ferret care, but I would learn all I could.
I promised it a
good home and proper care. Then I looked at it and said, "You
look quite dead."
The thing wasn't moving at all. Not an inch since I began talking
to it. Then,
all of a sudden it all made sense to me. Lori had left it in front
of the open
window and the poor thing had frozen to death!! That must have
been it.
I picked up the phone and called Lori. I told her what had happened
and her
reaction really made me cranky. She began to laugh. She then told
me she was
busy fixing dinner and she would call me back. I told her that
I didn't
understand her cavalier attitude over this very serious issue,
but she just
hung up the phone. So, there I sat with this dead ferret next
to me. By God, it
was starting to smell. I had to get rid of it. Now I wasn't about
to pick up a
dead Ferret, no way no how. So, I managed to take the top of the
cage off and
then I picked up the base and turned it upside down and the dead
ferret, still
clutching on to that string and ball fell into the trash bag.
I rushed out to
the compactor room and threw the thing down the shoot. Lori was
in serious
trouble.
The phone rang about an hour later and it was Lori. I immediately
told her
what had happened and again, she begins to laugh. I also told
her that I had
just thrown the thing down the shoot to get rid of it. The next
thing she said
to me was, "Steven, may I ask you one question?" to which I replied,
"Sure, ask
away." "How come you threw my daughter's toy away"? Well, it seemed
that this
was not a real ferret but one of those really life-like looking
toys. It even
had batteries in it, which when Lori left, the toy ferret was
running around
the cage. The batteries must have lost their power from being
on for so many
hours, so by the time I got home, the ferret was no longer moving.
Lori told me
what her plan was.
She was going to have the thing out of its cage running around.
When I got
home, she was going to point it toward my bedroom, and have me
chase it into
the room. In the room, Lori had placed my REAL gift, which was
a lovely
computer/desk chair. She wanted me to run into the room and be
surprised when I
saw it. When I walked into the bedroom, there was the chair, larger
than life.
I was so focused on the ferret, that the first time I walked into
the bedroom,
I didn't even notice this lovely chair.
Lori got a good sound spanking from me for that little stunt.
Naturally,
word spread quickly of this situation and I couldn't even go into
chat rooms
without someone saying to me, "Hi ferret man." Folks, you can't
make this stuff
up!!!
© js@smilingwithteeth.com "Otkforu" not to be reposted without permission.
