NYPD Black N Blue
THE FOLLOWING STORY CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT. READER DISCRETION
IS ADVISED
The man stepped out of the squad car and took a deep breath. Sweat
dripped down his brow as he reached for his handkerchief. He wiped
some of the moisture away and looked up at the sun. The very hot
sun. It was just another sizzling NYC July bearing down on him.
He thought that perhaps he should find another way to make a living.
Maybe work as the Maytag repair man. Sometimes he simply longed
to be lonely. However, he knew that his job was too important,
and as he had said many times in the past, 'well, somebody's got
to do it."
So he took the short walk into the station house. The nice air
conditioned air immediately refreshed him. He walked over to his
desk and sat down. He looked down at the papers on his desk. So
many cases to worry about. So much to do. Some of the cases made
him ill to his stomach. But he knew how to deal with those feelings.
He also knew how to handle those that would not obey the rules
and wind up in the station house. He was not always the nicest
guy. Nor was his language the cleanest. He was tough, but he tried
to be fair.
His thoughts were interrupted by his partners voice, "Good morning
Detective Slipperwitz."
Slipperwitz looked up and replied, "Hey there, Detective SIR Moan."
SIR Moan sat down and handed Slipperwitz a cup of coffee. "Here
Andy, I hope you like Folgers."
Slipperwitz frowned at SIR Moan and reminded him, "how many times
must I tell you that the only coffee I like is instant Spanker."
SIR Moan offered his apologies, but Slipperwitz mumbled something
under his breath and started to fill out his paper work.
The phone rang and Slipperwitz picked it up. It was the boss who
wanted to see both himself and SIR Moan in his office. Slipperwitz
got his partner and the two men walked into the office. Their
boss, Lt. Arthur Fanny was not too happy today. Sometimes, when
a case came in that angered them, it was hard to smile. From the
moment the two detectives saw his face, they knew it was serious.
"Gentlemen, the Lieutenant started, we have a lady in room 6,
who claims her boyfriend spanked her."
Before he could continue, Detective Slipperwitz offered, "So,
what's wrong with that?"
Lt.Fanny ignored the question and continued, "and the boyfriend
didn't rub. She is very upset and frankly gentlemen, I don't blame
her. I want you guys to do everything you can, to get to the bottom
of this. You understand me?"
Slipperwitz, as was often the case, had spoken too soon. If there
was one thing he hated, it was a spanker who simply could not
do it right. The two men left the office and walked to Room 6.
They stepped inside. Slipperwitz extended his hand and introduced
himself.
The woman took his hand and said, "My name is Mrs. Redbutto."
Slipperwitz told her to take a seat, if she could and tell them
what had happened. The woman, who sat down very carefully and
squirmed quite a bit in her chair, told the story of how her husband,
who was just learning how to spank, had taken her over his knee
and bared her bottom. He had hand spanked her for a long time
and didn't even rub once. Soon, the pain had gotten very bad and
when she used her safe word, he ignored her. He kept on spanking
her until he finally decided to stop.
"Let me ask you guys, do you think that was right? Should he have
spanked me like that?"
SIR Moan, stood up and said, "Gee, that is a sad story, ma'am.
I can never find a lady to spank me. I just wish that some day......"
"Will you shut up and stop all the moaning and complaining SIR
Moan. We are trying to help Mr. Redbutto here. Let's stay focused,
shall we?"
"You are right Slipperwitz. Sorry about that." "Look Mrs. Redbutto,
we'll go have a talk with your husband. You stay here."
As they left the interview room, Slipperwitz punched the wall.
His face showed anger. "You know SIR Moan, if there is one thing
I can't stand, it's assholes who do not rub and ignore safe words.
I'm going to come down hard on that asshole."
SIR Moan had seen Andy like this in the past. It was best, as
he had learned once, first hand, not to get in his way.
The detectives got back into the squad car and made the trip across
town to the home of Mr. Redbutto. As they approached the door,
they could hear some yelling and shouting coming from inside the
house. They heard the sounds of smack landing and Slipperwitz
was not about to take the diplomatic way out and simply ring the
door bell. Sometimes SIR Moan thought that Slipperwitz enjoyed
all the added drama of busting down a door.
"Hand me my cane, SIR Moan," Slipperwitz demanded.
SIR Moan went back to the squad car and took out the cane. It
had been with Slipperwitz since his first day on the job and still
was in perfect working order. Andy took careful aim at the door
knob, and then with a grunt, he swung the cane at it. As usual,
it was a perfect hit, the knob falling off and the door swinging
open ever so slightly. The sounds from inside the house were much
louder now, and the two officers ran toward them.
They made their way up the stairs to one of the bedrooms and heard
one last smack, followed by, "What the fuck is wrong with you,
you prick!!! When I say my safeword, I expect for the spanking
to stop!"
A male voice then said, "Where do you people get this safe word
crap. A spanking is supposed to hurt, right? So, why should I
stop simply because you utter some silly word?"
Before the female could answer, Slipperwitz opened the door and
the two men stepped into the room. "What the hell is going on
in here?" Slipperwitz asked, in his usual gruff tone. "And just
who is this woman?"
Mr. Redbutto made a mistake when he said, "And just who the fuck
are you, and what the fuck are you doing in my house?"
Slipperwitz took out his badge and said, "I'm with the NYPD BLACK
N BLUE, you asshole. Who is this lady you are with?"
The woman spoke up, "That asshole hired me to let him spank me.
He looked OK, but geez, you can never tell from looks, can you?"
Slipperwitz, now clearly agitated said, "You hired this lady and
then ignored her safe word?" He then looked at the lady and said,
"and don't think you are so innocent. I could bust you for this,
but I won't. Just get the hell out of here."
The woman sighed and said, "with pleasure officer. I say, throw
that bastard in jail. He doesn't know what the fuck he is doing."
Once the lady left, Slipperwitz glared at Mr. Redbutto. "You have
a beautiful wife, and you do this, you asshole?"
"Look, Mr. Redbutto said, my wife simply doesn't appreciate the
way I spank. I am a damn good spanker, and all she does is complain
to me. I don't need her shit. So why don't you two just leave
me alone, OK? I have done nothing wrong here."
Before the next tick from the wall clock could be heard, Slipperwitz
grabbed Mr. Redbutto by the throat and yelled, "Oh, so you did
nothing wrong, huh, you asshole. Well, what do you call ignoring
safewords?" He tightened his grip. "You think that is OK? Do you
know what I'm fixing to do to you right about now, you ignoring
asshole? I'm just about ready to ask Detective SIR Moan to get
me my cane. Do you know what happens when I'm in a mood like this,
and I'm holding my cane?"
Mr. Redbutto was now getting very nervous. He was shaking a little
bit and his voice was weak. "Ok, Ok. You win. I guess I was a
little bit out of control."
"A little bit?" Slipperwitz screamed. He pulled Mr. Redbutto over
to the dresser and picked up a bottle of lotion. "Do you know
anything about spanking?" Slipperwitz sarcastically asked the
man.
"Well, I'm learning. I think I know how to spank a lady properly,"
the man, his confidence returning.
"Oh you do, do you? Well, can you see this?" Slipperwitz said
as he grabbed the man once again and pressed the bottle of lotion
against his face.
"You're hurting me," said Redbutto.
"Oh am I?" Slipperwitz shouted. "Well, gee, too bad for that."
Slipperwitz tightened his grip and pressed the bottle of lotion
even harder against the man's face. Slipperwitz continued, "You
see, this is soothing lotion. Can you read the label. It says,
Tushy Cream." It's my favorite brand, you ignorant asshole. And
it has never been opened. That makes me sick. I ought to make
you eat it, you asshole."
Redbutto's short lived confidence was long gone. "I'm sorry, you
are right. I made a mistake."
"You bet your sweet ass you made a mistake." We are going back
to the station. Your wife is there. She is a very nice lady and
you are not to ever do this again. Are you hearing me?" As if
to accent that last question, Slipperwitz opened the bottle of
Tushy Cream and put it right against the man's mouth.
"Yes, I am hearing you sir. I'm sorry, please. I won't ever do
this again."
"You stay away from other women, be they pay for play or not.
If I hear anymore about this, I will return with my cane. And
this time, I will bust up more than just your door knob. You got
that?"
"Yes, I really am sorry."
"I certainly hope so. Trust me asshole, you wouldn't want to learn
why they call me Slipperwitz."
SIR Moan couldn't help but smile. He had seen Andy use his slipper
on guys much tougher than Redbutto. The men made their way back
to the station house. Once back inside Room 6, the Redbutto's
made up.
"I'm so sorry, honey," Mr. Redbutto held his wife close as he
whispered in her ear. "I never knew how scary it could get, but
now I know."
The couple kissed and they both thanked Slipperwitz and SIR Moan.
As they left, Andy sat back down at his desk. SIR Moan placed
a cup of coffee on Andy's desk.
"Yeah, a nice cup of coffee should hit the spot right about now."
As the hot liquid hit his lips, Slipperwitz spat it out. He glared
up at SIR Moan. "Didn't I tell you that I only like Instant Spanker?"
With that, Andy reached down under his desk and found his slipper.
"Now you are really going to get it." SIR Moan, smiling, took
off like a thief in the night. "Come back here, you asshole,"
Slipperwitz yelled as he chased SIR Moan out the front door of
the station house and down the street. Lieutenant Fanny smiled.
He just loved when the two of them played.
The End
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